Saving the World

Just my random thoughts on how to make the world a better place:

The Environment
I bet we could get a lot more people interested in cleaning up the environment if we just made them listen to John Denver songs. The ones I would focus on are "Sunshine On My Shoulders," "Rocky Mountain High," and "Take Me Home Country Roads." Anyone who hears any of these songs is guaranteed to be inspired to protect the forests and the trees and the rivers and oceans and the critters and ... Well, let's put it this way: I'm a city boy. I have fun hiking and doing outdoorsy things, but I never once considered moving to a cabin in Colorado -- until I watched a John Denver retrospective on PBS. The man's a genius on the level of Mozart or Rodgers & Hammerstein: pure beautiful melodies that are so simple and basic that you might think, "Any moron could write this song." So why didn't you?

Non-violence.
I have an surefire way to reduce violence between men: squadrons of hot chicks in slutty outfits. The other day I was walking down the street and coming toward me was a Guido that I normally would sneer at and beat the shit out of at the slightest provocation. And the feeling, I'm sure, was mutual. But then we both noticed a hot chick in biker shorts and a sports bra finishing her ride right across the street -- all blonde and sweaty and tight and toned. And when we both realized the other guy had seen the chick, we exchanged a grin and noverbally communicated the following profound concept: "Man, I wouldn't mind getting me some of that." I bet if we got some hot scantily clad chicks walking down the street in the Palestinian territories -- or anywhere in the Middle East, for that matter -- the conflict would stop as the Jews, the Shiites, the Sunnis, the Christians would all just stare and immediately realize they all have something in common. Hell, it would be almost instantaneous, because we all know those poor guys don't get much gawking time when they're out in public. (and yes, I know this isn't an original idea: see the shower scene in "Undercover Brother" for a similar suggestion.)

That's all.