Whining

People who know me know that I can come across sometimes as extremely cold and unsympathetic. "Shut your hole and suck it up," is one of my favorite phrases, and one that often applies to myself when I catch myself acting like a mopey wuss. Because most people in this country -- including at least 80 percent of those people on public aid and welfare -- could make better lives for themselves. They're just too lazy or selfish to do so.

There are people in my life who have done so. But their stories are private.

Here's a family that proves my point. They came to the United States as illegal immigrants. They became legal citizens. They supported themselves largely by going through other people's garbage to find recyclable cans and bottles -- scavenging 365 days a year for decades at a time, and putting three children through college. And not once have they ever applied for public aid or welfare.

Contrast that to all those people on welfare who can't pay rent because they spent it on crack, and who continue to add to their problems by having kids that they can't take care of and end up abusing. People who grew up in this country and were born with the advantage of knowing the language and having a free public education.

And here's a guy who has no arms, legs -- or even elbows or knees. Yet he was a champion wrestler in high school and college and is now training to compete in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Contrast Kyle to every fat person out there who whines about how they can't lose weight or get in shape. For fuck's sake. This guy has no forearms and he can still bench press 360 pounds.

So when you wonder why I refuse to give money to a homless person on the street? It's because I know that they're there because it's their fault. And that they could do better if they wanted to -- without my help. And they won't ever improve their lives, whether or not I help them, until they decide they want to.

And to be perfectly fair, I'm as bad as these whiners. I could have done so much better with my life, considering the advantages I've been given. And that's why, if any of you ever hear me whining about my life, please. Just kick me in the balls as hard as you can.