How I Know Reality TV Is Better Than Pro Wrestling

I realize that Reality TV and Pro Wrestling are not examples of the finest that American/Western culture has ever produced. In fact, they're pretty much down near the bottom. So why am I even indulging in this debate? Here's the situation:

I'm idly channel surfing on Thursday, and so meager are the pickings that I've started focusing on E!'s "101 Hottest Celebrity Bodies." But quick surf onto ABC shows ... George Hamilton? Cool, George Hamilton is hilarious, in a tanned, cheesy way. What's he doing?

A quick tab on the remote's "info" button shows me that I've inadvertently clicked onto "Dancing With the Stars." Oh god. I'm about the write off that channel for the night, and not because I hate ballroom dancing. While ballroom dancing as a whole has never really been able to hold my attention, I very much like Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly movies. They always feature a predictably saccharine plot, but they also feature gems from the American songbook, ingenious choreography, and either Fred moving like he can lighten his body mass and float on air, or Gene displaying an athletic grace and power that can be hypnotic. And no, I'm not gay.

But while I don't object to ballroom dancing, I do hate reality TV. The only one I watch is "The Ultimate Fighter," and even then it's for the final elimination match in each episode. So I'm about to hurriedly switch back to E! to see who owns the No. 9 hot celebrity body when I notice that aside from the Tanning God, the other contestants include blah blah blah blah Tia Carrere. Hello! You know her as the hot girl from Wayne's World and, like me, you probably recall something her as the lovely image on the right. So of course, being the pig that I am, I decide to keep an eye out. After all, in ballroom dancing competitions the women these days tend to wear some rather tight, slinky dresses.

So I'm flipping back and forth between E! and ABC and mostly ignoring the has-been B-list celebrities on ABC in favor of hot celebrity bodies. Ooh look, there's Charlize Theron looking lovely, and there on ABC is some guy who used to be an anchor on ESPN. Yeah, I picked Charlize too. To be fair, I'm noticing that when the celebrity contestant is male, the female professional invariably has some of the hottest legs I've ever seen -- firm, muscular and toned, but not too much so. Ooooh. Still, E! is winning.

But suddenly -- HOLY SHITBALLS! This woman comes on:


Now when I ogle a woman's body, it's usually her ass and legs I focus on, more than the tits (that's Stan's department (by which I mean he loves rubbernecking at the tits of every girl who walks past him on Boston's Newbury Street on a sunny summer day) (as opposed to implying that Stan has tits) (although he does, and they're pretty gross.)

But what really draws my attention, when it's visible, is a bare midriff. I love really firm taut abs, and this woman has the nicest abs I've ever seen. No doubt this is why her dress displays them so nicely. So I don't know who she is, but I leave the channel on ABC until it's done so I can hear who this magnificent specimen of womanhood is. Turns out that she's Stacy Keibler and she has a role on WCW wrestling -- you know, the woman of one of those wrestlers who occasionally gets into the ring herself to smash a prop chair over the head of the opponent of "her man."

Which brings me to the title of this post. Because WCW gets on the air so often, I'm sure that I've flipped past some WCW show while two women were doing something violent in skimpy trash outfits -- something that usually catches my eye -- but ignored it completely. Quite possibly I'd even seen Stacy in action before and ignored it. But when seeing her in action in a reality show, I'm willing to stop and watch.

And that's how I know reality TV, while bad, is better than pro wrestling.

P.S. Tia is still a beautiful, radiant woman, though not of the hot sex-me-up variety. The reason for this is that she just gave birth to a baby girl six weeks ago, and she now is beautiful in a radiant mother kind of way. I'm not kidding -- she was beautiful and made you smile. And she could be hot in that bend-her-over-on-the-hood-of-a-Porsche kind of way again someday, but it just seems wrong right now to think of such a radiant mother that way. No, I'm not kidding.

P.P.S. I had to do a search for the lovely Ms. Keibler. Turns out she's better known for her legs (and for good reason), and her body in general is outstanding. But the point is, check out those abs. Few things are sexier than taut bare abs on a woman, don't you agree?