Why Is This Newsworthy?

So I finally (12-18 months too late) got around to checking out the blog of Jessica Cutler, the Washingtonienne. It’s the tale of a Capitol Hill senatorial intern who sleeps around. Among her lovers are allegedly one high-level Bush staffer who pays her for anal sex and a variety of other guys, some of whom gave her expensive gifts (as opposed to cash) for sex. Plus a few guys who are poor, but are nevertheless attractive enough to catch her attention.

Cutler, who has since written a novel based on her blog, explains that she didn’t feel guilty taking the money since she, like most other interns, couldn’t possibly survive on the $25,000 a year she was paid to sort through a senator's mail.

Now, I don’t find anything all that objectionable about what she did; it seems like she mostly had a good time, as did her partners. And she does have a point: $25,000 is a suck-ass paycheck, though considering what she was being paid to do, it seems fair. But are her exploits really worth all the attention she got? Come on, there are slutty girls galore in this country. And slutty girls are great -- they're often smart and nice, and without them, I never would have gotten laid until I was, like, 30. I mean, god bless slutty girls -- girls who were willing to have sex with a guy as disreputable, lazy and broke as myself solely because I have a nice smile, occasional good manners, and a acerbic sense of humor.

But why does this slutty girl in particular deserve all this attention? Is it because she's particularly smart? Not that I can see. She's not even that great of a writer.

Maybe she's really hot, I thought. Certainly, Jessica seems to think she's absolutely gorgeous, basing her opinion (I assume) on the fact that she's slept her way through this country's corridors of power. Then I checked out some photos of her.

How disappointing.

Jessica is either incredibly non-photogenic or kind of average looking. About the best I can say for her looks is that at least she’s reasonably thin, I guess. But please: everyday on the subway I see at least a couple better-looking women.

Jessica, if you ever read this, which I doubt, because I’m pretty sure no-one is reading this: (score at least one for you. Plus you have a book deal. But I digress) The reason you got so many guys to sleep with you isn’t that you’re hot. It’s because you were willing to put out fairly easily. I’m not saying this is a bad thing – where were you when I was single and lonely? – but any non-repulsive girl willing to take it up the ass, take (or give) a spanking and indulge in other kinks (at least I assume you're willing to try new things) could have done just as well. If not better.

In Defense of Tom Cruise and Scientology

Tom Cruise has provided a lot of material for late-night comedians lately, what with his manic declarations of love for Katie Holmes and especially for his outspoken, insistent exultations about Scientology. And yes, it does seem a little odd and strange.

Scientology is a pretty weird religion, and it’s quite easy to see why people raise an eyebrow when they hear it’s premise. Here’s, in a nutshell, what they believe. Each of us is composed of spirit, body, and genetic material; the spiritual component is called a thetan. Once there was an alien race similar to us, and a galactic tyrant kidnapped a bunch of his enemies and brought them to Earth, where he stacked them around various volcanoes. When the volcanoes went off, his enemies’ bodies were mostly destroyed, and their thetan portions were captured and brainwashed via some sort of cinematic experience to believe all sorts of nutty things. These traumatized thetans then spread around the world, where they, like parasites, clung to humans. This is why humans a) believe in the religions they do (the traumatized thetans were brainwashed with images that led to the world’s religions today) and b)mentally troubled and blocked. Since thetans are eternal, each person’s own spirit (also called a thetan), along with the parasitic thetan, causes illness, guilt, etc. and only Scientologic processes can cure these ills.

Sounds pretty weird, right? I think they’re nuts too. But here’s another one: there is one almighty creator of the universe, who also created the world and all mankind. Though this creator is kind and loving, he nevertheless demands total obedience from all humans, or else he will punish them by inflicting suffering or sending them to an unpleasant, evil place for all eternity. Sometimes he plays little jokes on his worshippers, just to see if they’ll still love him afterward. For instance, he’ll kill a worshipper’s kids, make him suffer disgusting and painful illnesses, and take away his house and his means of survival, and make him ugly. All just for fun. Among the creator’s commands are that we refrain from seeking knowledge, that we obey him unquestioningly, even if he orders us to kill our own children. Because we are so disobedient, he sent his son down to us to teach us right from wrong. His son could walk on water, turn water into wine, and heal the sick with a simple touch. So wonderful was this son, that the creator killed him, and allowed him to die in a most painful manner. Then he came back to life and died again right away. These days, you can now disobey the creator and commit any heinous act you want. As long as you then confess and apologize, you are forgiven and can do it again. Oh, and though you are not to kill, you are allowed to kill if you are doing it for him.

You know what that second “cult” is. It’s Christianity, and it’s no less silly, illogical and creepy than Scientology. There’s just as little proof of the veracity of Christian beliefs as there is for Scientology. It’s just that a lot more people were brought up in some Judeo-Christian religion and find it easier to accept.

So give Tom a break for his beliefs.

Scientology. It’s no worse than Christianity.